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Feb. 7th, 2006 @ 02:18 pm TO THE FUTURE
Current Mood: happy
I have some good news! Last night I got married to the love of my life. The ceremony was very simple and sweet. We had just been talking about when we going to get married earlier that day, neither of us could come up with a reason why we shouldn't or couldn't do it right then. So we went to the court house and filed for our marriage license and got married that night at 5:00 pm. After the wedding we both got our wedding bands tattooed on our ring fingers which was a very surreal thing do after a wedding but hey the whole day seemed surreal, like a dream that I had been having my whole life that finally came true. Ok, well I just wanted to let you all know, off to play with my new wife.
About this Entry
spell
Jul. 28th, 2005 @ 01:24 am NEWS
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: cowboy bebop theme song
ok so here is a quick update...lets see i have 3 jobs and school this summer. well so i am quite tired but at the same time i got really good news (and its not that i saved hundreds on my car insurance...lol) well since before spring break i have been seeing my current girlfriend Nancy (grace). so now on our 5 month anniversary and spending all availiable hours with her (though how few they really are) i decided that i have found my true love who i plan on spending my entire life with from now on. not 2 days ago i decided i should truly prove to her how much i love her. so i asked her to marry me....many might say this is way too soon but trust me we have over a year to make sure that is is what we want before any wedding (we both agreed to finish college first). well if you could not tell she said yes and so i decided to fill in all those who might want to know...well i got tomorrow off so i plan on spending the entire day with grace...well i am off bye all.
About this Entry
spell
May. 11th, 2005 @ 08:42 am (no subject)
Current Mood: stressed
Current Music: random shit b4 my last exam
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:Beebs
Birthday:August 10th
Birthplace:Maryland some where
Current Location:Blacksburg
Eye Color:depends on my mood
Hair Color:brown
Height:5'7"
Right Handed or Left Handed:right
Your Heritage:Scotish mainly
The Shoes You Wore Today:Samba
Your Weakness:Girls crying
Your Fears:Being completely alone
Your Perfect Pizza:one word....meat
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:lose 20lbs
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:lol
Thoughts First Waking Up:5 more minutes
Your Best Physical Feature:eyes i think
Your Bedtime:around 0100
Your Most Missed Memory:HS Football
Pepsi or Coke:Dr. Pepper
MacDonalds or Burger King:5 Guys
Single or Group Dates:single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla:Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:Coffee
Do you Smoke:cloves and cigars
Do you Swear:hell yes
Do you Sing:want to but never will
Do you Shower Daily:at least
Have you Been in Love:yes
Do you want to go to College:yes what the hell do you think i am doing now
Do you want to get Married:yes
Do you belive in yourself:not yet
Do you get Motion Sickness:i am sick of moving but other words no
Do you think you are Attractive:no
Are you a Health Freak:yes
Do you get along with your Parents:some times
Do you like Thunderstorms:hell yes
Do you play an Instrument:does the nose flute count?
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:yes
In the past month have you Smoked:yes
In the past month have you been on Drugs:head ache meds
In the past month have you gone on a Date:yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:trick question but no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:yes
In the past month have you been on Stage:no
In the past month have you been Dumped:no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:not in the past month
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:nope
Ever been Drunk:yes
Ever been called a Tease:cant remember
Ever been Beaten up:yes
Ever Shoplifted:dont think so
How do you want to Die:having sex
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:Mech. Engin.
What country would you most like to Visit:Down Under
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:brown
Favourite Hair Color:Brown
Short or Long Hair:dont care
Height:does not matter
Weight:not for me to ask
Best Clothing Style:naked is fun but in public....nothing too revealing
Number of Drugs I have taken:who can remember
Number of CDs I own:too many
Number of Piercings:zero
Number of Tattoos:1 maybe more
Number of things in my Past I Regret:more then 5 i think not too sure

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
About this Entry
spell
Dec. 3rd, 2004 @ 10:00 am (no subject)
I walk a lonely road
The only one I that have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But its home and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Blvd. of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And were I walk alone

Read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and every things all right

Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh

I walk this empty street
On the Blvd. of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a..

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk away!
About this Entry
spell
Dec. 2nd, 2004 @ 09:10 am Get It Faster
Current Mood: accomplished
I don't care what you do.
I'm getting out , no nothing ever shames me.
Don't wanna thing from you
I'm going out, I don't care if you're angry.
I'm getting out, no nothing ever shames me.
I'm going out, I don't care if you're angry.
I should've thought things through.
I'm holding out, but not getting an answer.
I wanna do right by you.
I'm finding out, cheating gets it faster.
I'm holding out, not getting an answer.
I'm finding out that cheating gets it faster.
I'm holding out, but not getting an answer.
I'm finding out, cheating gets it faster.
I don't care what you do.
I'm getting out, no nothing ever shames me.
Don't wanna thing from you.
I'm going out, I don't care if you're angry.
I should've thought things through.
Yeah I'm holding out, but not getting an answer.
I wanna do right by you.
I'm finding out that cheating gets it faster.
I'm getting out, no nothing ever shames me.
I'm going out, I don't care if you're angry.
I holding out, but not getting an answer.
I'm finding out, cheating gets it faster.
About this Entry
spell
Nov. 11th, 2004 @ 11:31 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: crazy
I write this to let all know i have done what was the hardest thing to do...now that is has been sent it does not matter now. I also write this to let all know that this livejournal will be erased and replaced by another...wont know the name til i make it so know knows...what was alive is now dead:
Was red and is now black,
Hot to the touch but is cold,
Effects all but does no change a thing,
Can be full but is now empty,
Was soft but now is hard,
Never misses a beat unless it is dead,
Has the power of creation from nothing.
What am i??

what is my heart that was once full but it now empty and cold.
best wishes to all have fun and goodbye.
About this Entry
spell
Oct. 27th, 2004 @ 11:53 pm The Riddle
Was red and is now black,
Hot to the touch but is cold,
Effects all but does no change a thing,
Can be full but is now empty,
Was soft but now is hard,
Never misses a beat unless it is dead,
Has the power of creation from nothing.
What am i?
About this Entry
spell
Oct. 23rd, 2004 @ 12:25 am (no subject)
Current Mood: drunk
so yeah fathers gone for the weekend which is kick ass...but the sad part is the onlything that i have plan was going to the bookstore and picking up 3 more books...and yeah that will sum up everything. nothing more...many i am so fucking pissed off that when my dad, AKA The Devil, leaves the most excitment in my life is staying up late, getting books and doing jack shit..oh yeah loads of fun...so now i go and get a little something to drink to just calm down and wait til the days are done. fun fun so if i talked to anyone today or friday thats the major reason i am pissed off!! but yeah gonna hopefully drink enough to go pass out so see you on the flip side.
About this Entry
spell
Oct. 16th, 2004 @ 10:08 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: pissed off
Current Music: (I Hate) Everything About You - Three Days Grace
So nothing like having a 5 day weekend with nothing planned and nothing to do. It was nice on the first day maybe the second where i got to sleep in til 11:30, well maybe i should say i was allowed to stay in bed til 11:30, course i was staying up til about 4 or 5 every night then from there i would do what i do everynight...meditate for about an hour to two. Then pick up a book and read until i felt like stopping then went back to meditating until about 11:30. The only problem was the fact that i finished my book after the second night so i resorted back to something that i have not done since freshman year in portsmouth, orginizing my baseball card collection, yes i have a baseball collection and also a few basketball and now more football cards thanks to cait, its been taking me more time then i thought it would because well i never realizedi had as many as i do. I got a couple that are really nice to have and probable wait til i need more for college before selling them...but we will see i have had some of these since well since i was 5 and even then my dad bought a bunch of them from auctions so i got some that are from the babe ruth era including one of his but i will never sell that one...i am sure it is almost priceless already. But anyways from there i i get out of bed, eat and then head to the gym...yeah wow very exciting days huh. then everynight i talk to friends that are say yeah got wasted last night and again tonight then when asking what i have planned i gotta say SOSDD. One friend feels bad for me bc she tells me all about her drunkeness and her fun and she then hears what i have been up to and feels bad for saying how much fun she has been having...lol but i really dont care. Hopefully i will be getting the job that i just applied for and maybe i can make money in my free time instead of just sitting on my ass playing with my cards or doing nothing. But yeah who knows...so went to the Va Tech Vs. FAMU game to day, and i think i would have had more fun cutting myself then sewing it up myself...dont get me wronge it was a good like the first 5 minutes of the game and all but when you stay there the entire game because you realise you have nothing else to do, thats just plain pathetic. 62-0 Tech and it should have really been 76-0 but two touch downs were called back due to penaltes.

So yeah everytime something big comes up where it is key for me not to say the wronge thing, i always do. I wonder why i always do that, time and time again i always screw up something that means more to me then what people can imagine. I have come to the conclusion that if i keep everything a safe distance away then i would not have to worry about hurting or destroying anything that is good. Time and time again when i open up to somthing and give it my complete whole it usually comes back and just kicks me in the balls...then when i am down it kicks me some more or even better somthing else kicks me when i was down. Gotta love the way like works down in the burg of blackness and everywhere else i have lived.

So i have been worndering this for a long time. How is it that you can go from talking to someone three-four times in a day to not even hearing from them for the next week? They are happy, sad or whatever and they want to talk to you like your the only person that can help them, then once the weekend ends its as if they dont even know you. I am sure they are just using me as a partner on the emotional-roller coaster to then ditch me until the ride starts all over again. Man you gotta love that, nothing like going from worrying about someone and what they might do to where you find out that you should not worry about them when you dont hear anything from them because they just are always busy with other "stuff". But hey what does it matter, its not like your human or anything...oh wait i am human because if i was not then i would not be you partner on the emotional rollercoaster. But i must be an android where i can turn on or off with a simple "bye" or "hi". Thats right i am one of the new models where i am somthing that i do not even know i am.

But hey you know all this does not matter. First this is too long for anyone to read cause i am having trouble readint the whole thing, plus it does not really matter because no one really does read this junk. Well i have to since it seems that i can only find things out by reading though a journal and not have the luxury of having people IM me like a normal person would. Yeah nothing like always having to start conversation...man gotta love that. alrigthh now that i am pissed off i am gonna go kill something, and hopefully not myself...lol
About this Entry
spell
Oct. 12th, 2004 @ 10:09 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Linkin Park - Runaway
so yeah i this week was really a bust because we had two days of classes then we get a 5 day weekend. i am not complaining, but i think i would rather have school where i can still hang with my friends instead of having a 5 day weekend with all my time working on random shit that my parents want me to do. i will be doing the usual studying for test and all that good stuff but yeah i really would rather be out doing anything then being home...who knows maybe i will meet up with some friends and get a little taste of freadom again. but yeah so it will be all good i can finally finish the hympe projects that i promised to people but also will give me a lot of time for me to be able to do what i always wanted to do...when i figured that out i'll let you know...lol. but yeah maybe i will finish the last bit of puting my baseball card in their protective covers...but yeah that will take forever and a day with all the thousands that i have lol... but yeah so who knows. got any ideas i am all ears....lol
later
About this Entry
spell
Sep. 28th, 2004 @ 10:48 pm dream
Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: What it's like - everlast
For the past two weeks i have not been sleeping except for maybe a total of 4 hours. and that was only because i passed out from drinking and woke up when my phone rang. but other then that been staying up at all hours, been able to read two books during that time and do homework thats not due til like next week. i do not sleep for when you dream what you wish and want come out and fill your head full of ideas. well when you wake up you realize how your life really sucks compaired to what you dream about. well atleast that is what i have found out from my experience. so i dont sleep so that i dont wake up to realize how much life sucks...but it always have just now i don't cover it up with other things to distract from the truth.

so yeah last night i got some sleep for one reason or another and had the most fucked up dream in the world. i am back in my frat house, though it was not for we had not got it yet. but anyways it was rush week. but not like a rush week i have ever experienced for it was more like a man hunt to the extreme. we had a list of people we wanted to join. we went out and any of them that was not goign to join we went out and made sure no one else rushed them. so that where i came in. there was 2 guys that were not wanting to join so i was told to take care of them. the first one i knew because he was my friend and i knew where he lived so i went over to his play and shoot him and for a strange reason liked it... then i went were the next person lived and he was entertain two lady friends so i came in and he knew what i was going to do so he tried everything to get out of it. he had me going until another brother came. he was the worse of all for he was a cold bastard who was jsut numb insidehe came and we all sat down. i noticed the bar was open so i got some drinks and we all sat and talked. then for some reason i got it in my head to shoot my brother so i went to get a drink. i grabed every bottle i could for when i got back i could drink the rest of the night away. when i got back my brother and the target were outside so i came up to him and told him that this one lives... then i shot him. well from there the guy left and now i am left with the two girls. well from there it gets fuzzy and then i wake up... now that was a fucked up dream and thats a very short and cleaned up version...anyways yeah wow fucked up
but hey you know i woke up and believe that it means more then its surface...but that for later.
About this Entry
spell
Sep. 21st, 2004 @ 04:40 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: bored

The rules are: bold the ones you've seen all the way through, italicize the ones you've only seen parts of, and underline the ones you own. When you're finished with the ones already on the list, add three more of your own choosing at the bottom.


01. Trainspotting

02. Shrek

03. Mystic Pizza

04. Dogma

05. Strictly Ballroom

06. The Princess Bride

07. Love Actually

08.

    The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

    09. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

    10. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King


11. Reservoir Dogs

12. Desperado

13. Swordfish

14. Kill Bill Vol. 1

15. Donnie Darko

16. Spirited Away

17. Better Than Sex

18.
    Sleepy Hollow

    19. Pirates of the Carribbean



20. The Eye

21. Requem for a Dream

22. Dawn of the Dead(the new one, not the romero one.)

23. The Pillow Book

24. The Italian Job (The new, not the michael caine one.)

25. Goonies


26. Baseketball

27. The Spice Girls Movie

28. Army of Darkness

29. The Color Purple

30. The Saftey of Objects

31. Can't Hardly Wait

32. The Usual Suspects

33.

    Finding Nemo


34. Diva

35. Circle of Friends

36. Mary Poppins

37. The Bourne Identity

38. Forrest Gump


39.
    A Clockwork Orange


40. Kindergarten Cop

41. On The Line


42.
    My Big Fat Greek Wedding


43. Final Destination

44. Sorority Boys

45. Urban Legend

46. Cheaper By the Dozen

47. Fierce Creatures

48. Dude, Where's My Car

49. Ladyhawke

50. Ghostbusters

51.
    Indiana Jones (all of them)

    52. Back to the Future (ALL THREE!)


53. An Affair To Remember

54. Somewhere In Time

55. North By Northwest

56. Moulin Rouge

57.
    Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

    58. The Wizard of Oz


59. Zoolander

60. A Walk to Remember

61. Chicago

62. Vanilla Sky

63. The Sweetest Thing

64. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

65. The Nightmare Before Christmas

66. Chasing Amy

67. Edward Scissorhands

68. Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Desert

69. Muriel's Wedding

70. Croupier

71. Gone With The Wind (unfortunetly)

72. To Kill a Mockingbird

73. Gorillas in the Mist

74. Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

75. Underworld


76. Dirty Dancing

77. Lion King 1 1/2 (thought was really bad)


78. Count of Monte Cristo

79.
    S.W.A.T. (hell yeah man)


80. Evolution

81. Home Alone 2

82. The Wedding Singer

83. Interview with the Vampire

84. While You Were Sleeping

85. Kate and Leopold

86. Serendipity

87. Passion of the Christ

88. Kill Bill Vol. 2

89. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

90. Shrek 2

91. Troy

92. U Got Served

93.
    Meet the Parents


94. The Breakfast Club

95.
    Austin Powers (own all three)


96. BIG (tom hanks)

97. That Thing You Do

98. Big Fish

99. The Chronicles of Riddick (hell yeah)

100. Real Genius

101. High Fidelity

102.
    Bend It Like Beckham


103. Garden State

104. Benny and Joon

105. American History X

106. Snatch

107. What Dreams may Come

108. The Bad Seed-Original version

109. Welcome to the Dollhouse

110. Shizopolis

111. House By The Cemetary

112. Don't Look In The Basement

113. The Sixth Sense

114. Whale Rider

115. Romeo & Juliet

116. Once Were Warriors

117.
    Alien/s (all four of them!)



118. True Romance

119. Shall We Dance

120. The Shawshank Redemption (hell yeah)

121. Pride and Prejudice (the A&E Mini Series)

122. Clueless

123. Finding Forester

124.15 Minutes

125. Jersey Girl

126. Some Kind of Monster

127. Eternal Sunshine

128. Super Mario Bros

129.  I, Robot

130. Alien Vs. Predetor

131. Hell boy

and so much more

About this Entry
spell
Sep. 19th, 2004 @ 09:59 pm Realization
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Mad World
It was not until more recently that i realized how much i truely fucked up my last year in college. going from being in a great school in FL where i will not have be hounded by my parents with some great friends and the freedom of an eagle. Now that i am back home i realize what i had and how much i blew it. going from hanging out with friends on the weekends to hanging around the house. From enjoying the "hardships"of ROTC, though compaired to what JKO goes through it was a cake walk, to going to the gym everyway with my dad wanting to tag along trying to show that he is still young and trying to prove that he is always better then me. to beable to have a drink with a buddy and talk about girls to having to stay up past midnight to sneak a shot or two from the rents. and yes i have tried asking if i could drink without sneaking but i am too young and i am an alcoholic if i tell them it tastes good. From life to basically hell. But you know its alright because i am once again pay for my mistakes. you know i think this is the third time i go from a "normal" life to lock down in the last 5 years and i really am getting pissed off. but hey again this is what i deserve right...anyways after two years i am out of hear and i am not turning back. either i finish off my engineering degree or i enlist for those are my two options that i am looking at; because i will not fucking live her under this roof longer then i have to if how everything is going on stays the way it is. on the bright side i am obviously having to much fun around her because i was told that i need to get a job because i am at the house too much...well hot damn i guess i will be going to CVS or somewhere like that to get my job. oh yeah.but hey that is life and again that is what i deserve. however i am getting very annoyed when people that i try to ask how they are doing just dont answer or is always to busy to have a 5 min chat. but you know i dont care anymore i spent my life worrying about people who dont give a flying fuck about me but want all the attention in the world to them...so if you see me online and i say hi and just dont wanna talk just tell me to fuck off and i will and will not contact you til you contact me. but do be warned i am not always happy go lucky anymore for when you are surounded in darkness you find it comforting after a while. but anyways yeah so i have started drawing my next tattoo and trying to figure if i want it in color or black and white. if i go color then it will be major exspensive because this one is gonna be my entire back. but also if it is color it might look better. but hey i got like two years to think about it. i might have to ask a few people about which one they think would like it better. but i am still drawing it up so thats still a little while away...ormaybe sooner then i think...anyways it will be interesting how the parents take it since i still have not come completely told both my parents. my brother in law knows and both my sisters and my mom but my dad has not had a good look at it because he has woken me up once or twice with my arm exposed. but anyways...gonna go kill something or blow something up, which on a side note my chem teacher is awsome because he is teaching me how to make explosives very cheap and out of basic material.
About this Entry
spell
Sep. 4th, 2004 @ 09:45 pm (no subject)
Now i remember the joys of being in college, being away from your parents. or maybe its just me and my parents and how i hate being home with them alone. its nothing too bad, just an argument here, and another one there, oh yeah and another, and oh yeah instead of going out and hanging with some friends i get to stay home help with some trees and have to go to bed by a certain time...god this is going to be a long two years, i might have to take a few trips to visit some friends in order for me to survive...well anyways its getting close to my "bed time" so i gotta go. and if any of you want a roommate i am willing to do close to anything...with in reason.
About this Entry
spell
Aug. 24th, 2004 @ 05:11 pm Back to School
so yeah here i am in the library waiting for my 6:30 class. what the hell was i thinking taking such a late class. i should have taken it earlier, oh well. anyways so the is my second day of classes and so far it really does suck here. there is nothing to do except watch all the locals pull up in their pickups after dropping off their pigs at the daycare...lol no no it is not that bad here. i mean the people i have met are not that bad and the girls are ok. a couple of hot ones but you know how it is they either have a kid already or they came with there boyfriends. oh well. the weather is ok i mean its not hot but still shorts weather. the classes are aight i mean i met on person that him and i get along but other then that i am just gonna stay to myself so that i can concentrate on grade and all. anyways i gotta jet before the storm knocks out the power.
About this Entry
spell
Aug. 16th, 2004 @ 10:16 pm (no subject)
so getting close to starting school and i am not really looking forward to it. i mean i deserve what i got but still i talk to all my friends and they talk about getting drunk and all the fun and well my next 2 years will be lacking in that department alot. but again i deserve what i get. so anyways i was suppose to go down to FL to get my stuff but that stupid hurrican had to come by the area as though it owned the place. so now i get to go down the weekend before i start school....fun fun not. was hoping to get my stuff before so that i could atleast have a little fun with it before i had to start school but oh well thats life. have not seen my sister much except at work and even then it is sparce due to her constant visits to job sites. got off work early lately so i go to go see a couple of movies and liked most. BOURNE, I ROBOT, AVP, SHREK 2, THE VILLIAGE. they were really good but if course i loved AVP because nothing like the two best creatures battling out at each other. gotta love it. yeah so have not heard from any one but that happends i guess. and well i cant wait til thursday for its my last day at work and i cant wait to get away. they have been screwing me on my hours so its been sucking. well anyways so much to say so little to be able to type for obvious reasons. gotta start reading my new book kinda cool but really i cant wait to relax with the incent burner that my mom bought me for my b-day. so many rules so little time...lol anyways...i gotta go. been waking up at 4:30 to go to the gym before work. hopefully that will help me get back to the way i want to be...take care all.
About this Entry
spell
Aug. 10th, 2004 @ 11:14 pm Birthday
Current Mood: indescribable
So yeah had a crappy Birthday because I had to work. then i got out watched a movie, but then had to go home and work on the house. oh yeah great memorise for turning 19 where you get to work on the house and get yelled at; talk to the one person that it hurts me to talk to but is the only one who will talk to me. funny that you talk to someone and it hurts you but if you dont talk to that person it hurt you yet some more. so what would you do....that is a good question. well i got some cool gifts i guess and had one friend who gave me the best gift and yet the friends that i were closer to dont even drop me a line. that just proves how convenient friendship can be to allow others get what they want out of you and then forget that you even exsist. so if you had not opened the door between two people how would life had been different. so many question that i should care about but i dont any more. if i care then that just means two things; one that i try to dwell on the past and two that the lessons learned were in fact just a bunch of bullshit for i had not learned a damn thing. some one had told me before that to not acknoledge your past you will doom your future. is that what i have done, doomed myself from not learning my past leasons that did not come without a huge price. or have i learned my lesson but regret what i have learned so i try to restart except this time change the way things were to hope for a better out come. no i dont think so i believed i set myself up for failure from the start by not taking the advice given and then repeating the same mistake twice. that is were i have changed i just dont care. for i have learned by caring you will only lose that that you hold dearist for life is cruel and unjust to those who were pampered and or sheltered their entire life. i never wanted this to happen, but it seems that all has gone for the better, and yet i have never been more miserable in my life. one should not think about many ways to take ones life as i do. all except two were just something to keep the mind entertained. the first was for reasons that should have never crossed my mind and the other i actually tried and failed. though i had not been so alive after i have tried it i do not think i will try to cheat death to often in a month. the only cure for sarrow is happiness and yet i find comfurt in all the wrong places. the one i had is now lost forever from my own doings. now i look to complete strangers to find the truth that i need. of course when you dont know who to talk to and trust strangers are always the best for they have no inclination in which way others want you to believe its just them and what they have been told. so when i talk to those who still talk i do give you a thought when you want it but note afterward i will not do what i use to. spend my time worrying about others when they do not worry about me. i do not spend extra moments on a question when i find the answer that i think is best. it is cold but it is the only answer i will give for desire, love and friendship has been tarnished from many and only those i seek to talk to will be able to have a conversation with a person and not an empty vessle
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Jul. 27th, 2004 @ 10:26 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: the cold sound of an empty head
JUST SO SAY THAT I AM ALIVE BUT ALSO I HAVE A NEW CELL NUMBER WITH VERIZON AND THAT MY OLD 4018556603 NUMBER WILL NOT BE CONNECTED AS OF AUG 9TH. YOU WANT THE NEW ONE CALL AND I WILL GIVE IT. THAT WAY THOSE WHO DO NOT WISH TO TALK CAN STAY THAT WAY. BEST WISHES TO ALL. LATER
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May. 2nd, 2004 @ 01:58 am The final day
so yeah for the past week i have been hanging out with friends for today at 0800 i get on an airplane and i fly home. i then have my dinner and then go to sleep for the next day i wake up to go to work...oh yeah a lot of fun. anyways so again my century bro came back for the weekend for it was graduation weekend and more importantly it is my big bro's commissioning. Iggy, aka 1st Lt. Robert Magill, swore my big bro, aka 2nd Lt Richard Leapore Jr., in today which was a funny event. for they both studdard twice which was funny, however the more funny event was what happened afterwards. as a nexly commissioned officer he has the ability to request some to slute for the first time at an officer. the usual suspects were MSG Akins or MSG Rodrequez. well Leapore being the person he is, he requests SSG Reimann who is our 26 year old supply woman who Leapore has been working with for the past year very closly. right before the commisioning he was joking with her and said that he was going to hand her a coin that had his personal number and a condom that they could use later. being the awsome girl that she is she said that he better have back-ups for she was not wanting no onetime deal she wanted hours of "following orders" and with that she gives him a squeez on the ass and leaves. of course this was all just one big game but it was funny for when she salutes him and he hands her his coin he hands her a peice of paper along with it. which she reads real quick and then walks off with bright red cheeks. later on i asked him what the note said he only laughed and kept going. so i moved on to SSG Reimann and she said that is had to things. 1) that she should meet him at a restaurant for dinner and 2) that she was too good for him so instead he taking her out to dinner as long as she would wear the dress she work to Mil Ball and he could take pictures with her in that dress. i could only laugh for everyone saw her in the dress at Mil Ball and everyone's jaw dropped due to the fact of how well SSG Reimann could clean up.

well that was my big adventure today and i am not sure when i will write next for the fact that i will be home and working 24-7
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May. 2nd, 2004 @ 01:06 am The story of true love
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: Sublime - Love is what i got

So here I am, my final days at FIT and i get to meet my century Bro, which is kick ass! after chilling with him for a week and discussing the details of his deployment over at Iraq, we get drunk (he gets drunk and I have 1 bitch drink) and begin to check out women. well this was fun for him for he is still single and since he just came back from Iraq they flock to him like flies to shit. For me i got to be the wing man except to the extrem, for my centry bro, Iggy, forgot i was dating some one (who i am deeply in love with) and started to talk me up saying that i was in college and in ROTC and how i have endurence since we PT all the time and all. so here he is with two girls trying to hook me up with this girl. lol, little did he know that she was also taken. Thank god and when she saw that i was we begain to relax around each other alot more. little did i know that i had class with her but that is neither here nor there. so here i am sober brother like i usually am, watching Iggy putting his game into motion with the whole "I just came back from Iraq and i have never seen two so beautiful women in my life." little did they know that he has used this on a nurse in Germany not 2 months ago when he was shipped up there because he was shot. we all know what happened there...lol. anyways so here i am with michelle who is looking out for her friends hanging around Iggy. there was no stopping what was going to happen because they were all tipsy to the point that they know what they wanted and that is all that mattered. so like a gentleman, Iggy followed the girls back to there place to make sure that they were ok, and of course got invited in. Michelle and I followed suite sitting in the living room talking about our class and life in general until we hear the door slam to the bed room and a ton of giggling. we then poped in a movie and turned the volume up to not hear the bed squeak so that we would not think about what they were doing, and long to do the same with out signifcant others( meaning my girlfriend cait, and her boyfriend tod). just getting to the good part of the movie, Pitch Black, the squeaking stopped. we turned down the movie and waited to see what was next. after the movie was done we figured that they had pasted out so she asked if i would like to go to sleep in the bed or if coach was ok. at first i was confused, but being the gulible person that i was i thought there was two seperate beds, so i followed her back to the other bed room. walking in i understood my mistake and became very aware of her intentions. i started to turn around. bad mistake, for she started to strip, thank god she had an undershirt on or else i would have felt like i was cheating. trying to think quickly on how to escape from this peral, i looked around trying hard to think of a lie when i looked at her pictures...no boyfriend in any of them. wow i got played so well i almost laughed. i then asked if she really did have one and her answer was no...as i figured. by this time she was in her bed and trying to get me into it. this was my chance i told her that i am engaged, a small lie, and that even if i would ever cheat on my girlfriend (which i would never do) that i would not like to be played like that and that also she was not my type (that was a complete lie, i have to give her alot of credit for playing me so well and also she was my type which scared me but cheating on caitlin had never crossed my mind so that is why i never even studdered when i said that). with that, she being in shock for she was denied her sex for the night, i went out of her room and curled up on the coach and turned on the TV, not wanting to fall asleep and be taken adantake of. i had fallen asleep for i woke with the sudden warmth of a blanket being put on me. as i looked up i saw it was michelle and she said that she could not figure me out. with a quizical look on my face she procceded her explaination of her comment. she said that she had never met a person who was in a long distance relationship, at FIT, who would have made out with her. i told her that if i had even touched her in anyother way then i a friend's jesture then i would have felt like i would have cheated on my girlfriend. she gave me a huge, i was a little scared but accepted the friendly juster and with that she said that caitlin must be some women to keep me in check from such a distance, and i told her that the guilt on my conscience would be so great that i could not bear to even look at her again knowing full well what i did. with that she curled up on the other coach and we watched movies until the next day. leaving with Iggy, whom mad a huge smile on his face, I left with a new friend and the reasurence of how faithful my love is to my Girlfriend Caitlin.

I Love You Caitlin

 

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